Y ou’ ve no doubt heard it over and over: “ Honesty is the best policy. ”
No doubt there are situations exactly where it is. For example , you have an intimate romantic relationship, there’ s a high level of trust, the relationship has maintained over time, – that’ s a situation where honesty is not only the best policy, but it will enhance the level of emotional intimacy, connection and satisfaction.
Yet that said, there are situations where honesty is definitely NOT the best policy. To really make your ‘ honesty choices’ wisely and avoid all manner of possible damaging consequences, it’ s important to understand when to button your lip.
Here’ s one example: Your work environment has an opening in a level above yours, and you desire to be considered. Meanwhile one of your co-workers stocks something about his/her life that’ s more personal and personal, and encourages you to do the exact same. They ask leading questions, they appear to be concerned about you, they may inquire “ how is such-and-such going? ”. Their manner says “ I actually care about you. ”
So you share some details about yourself you would have otherwise kept in order to yourself, and the next thing you know, the higher ups that will make the choice about who else gets that promotion have in some way gotten wind of your personal information. Now you look bad, and guess what – the person you shared them with is currently looking like a much better choice. To put this briefly, you’ ve been had.
The previous example is all about a particular situation. But are there people with whom sharing personal information is not a good idea? Simply speaking, YES! There are people in this world that are all smooth as glass on the outside. They find out what’ s essential to you and then align themselves along with those values, saying that’ t what they want too. They may even generate evidence of their desires matching your own.
But all this is a con, designed to get you into a scenario where your guard is straight down, where you are vulnerable – physically, emotionally, financially or more. Then they take advantage, and then you’re left not knowing what hit you.
The buildup to this payoff for them can be short, as with a number of minutes or days, or really long – over a period of time. Think of “ The Sting” – the movie starring Paul Newman and Robert Redford. The two laid very detailed and convoluted plans regarding conning their mark.
These cons can even become imbedded in organizational culture. To see this particular laid out in the financial industry and learn how it caused the latest financial crisis, read Liar’ s Poker by a financial insider – the former provides trader and journalist Michael Lewis.
But to find out methods to identify these situations, people and organizations before you get consumed by them, It is advisable to read Roxanne Livingston’ s guide Chronically Hurtful People .
Roxanne is a social worker who spent more than 30 years working with the diagnostic types called ‘ sociopaths’ and ‘ character disorders’. She has lots of identifying tips and self-care strategies.
And if you’ ve already been taken in – well, you’ re certainly not alone. There are smooth providers everywhere, and they present themselves with finish innocence and trust. And some are usually incredibly skillful.
The thing is that the more honestly you talk about what’ s going on with you, the greater they use it to manipulate you and take advantage of you.
So , what to do? First, always listen to your stomach, as it often ‘ knows’ this is going on before your head does. Also recommended is listening to Roxanne.